Your puppy bit your arm again this morning. There's a wet patch on the rug that wasn't there twenty minutes ago, and you'd just got back from a walk. You haven't slept properly in weeks, and last night you thought the thing you promised yourself you'd never think: maybe this dog would be better off with someone else.
If you're thinking about rehoming your puppy, read this before you do anything. Luke Buchanan, Owner of The Toe Beans Co and Sydney's Puppy Trainer, takes this call more often than most people would guess, and it almost never comes from someone who doesn't care. It comes from someone who has simply run out of road.
You are not a bad owner for asking
Wanting to ask the question doesn't make you a bad owner. It makes you honest about the state you're in.
When I started out I assumed every owner would want to do the hard work for their dog. That isn't what I found. Plenty of owners are exhausted and quietly regretful, and then feel awful for being either. The feeling tends to arrive around week three, usually at 2am.
And rehoming is occasionally the right call. I'll say that plainly, because a post that pretends otherwise isn't worth your time. There are dogs where the kindest outcome is a different home. That's rare, and you're allowed to say the question out loud without it being a verdict on you.
What is usually actually happening, the accumulation, not the dog
Most owners who reach this point have a stack of solvable problems, no sleep and no plan, rather than one unfixable dog.
Here's a real case, details changed. A Sydney owner rang me about her 20-week doodle cross in a first-floor apartment. One thing first, because it matters for every doodle and poodle cross: a first-generation cross is a genetic lottery rather than a standardised breed, an F1 puppy can land anywhere between the two parents, and the breeder genuinely cannot tell you where, so read both parents rather than the cross name.
Her list ran like this. Toileting indoors, minutes after getting home from a walk. Refusing the stairs. Frightened of the baby gate. Biting arms and clothes, with toy redirection doing nothing. And she raised rehoming, because the stress had stacked up past what she could hold.
Five problems on one list feels like a broken dog. Read them one at a time and they're five ordinary puppy problems with documented answers, and I assessed every one as solvable with consistency over a few weeks. Any one of them, on a decent night's sleep, is just a Tuesday. All five at once, on four hours' sleep, feels like proof.
The honest triage: weeks, months, and the small number where this might not apply
Nearly everything a 20-week-old puppy does is solvable in weeks or months, and only a small number of cases make rehoming kindest.
Solvable in weeks:
- Toileting accidents, including the ones right after a walk
- Biting arms, hands and clothing. Mouthing is normal at 8 to 12 weeks, when puppies learn bite inhibition, and should be gone by 16 weeks
- A puppy who won't settle in the evening, or cries in the crate at night
- Fear of one object, like a gate
Solvable in months:
- Lead walking, and a recall you'd trust off lead
- Fear spread across many things instead of one. Under-socialisation is the usual reason, and the socialisation window runs to six months, so time matters here
- Reactivity towards other dogs, usually a couple of months of work in a well-socialised dog
The small number where these might not apply:
- A dog who's genuinely dangerous to the people they live with, where the household can't safely do the work. I've declined cases for that
- A home where the adults don't agree the dog should be there, because training fails on that alone
- A home the environment itself won't allow. One I worked in was carnage, and no technique would take hold
Notice what isn't on that list. Breed. A first-generation cross, where you still read both parents rather than the label, changes what your dog costs you in time. It never decides whether your dog works in your home.
One line on safety. If your dog has a real bite history with a person, a bite that broke skin, don't work off a blog post. That needs a professional assessment in the room.
The five things to change this week before deciding anything
Give yourself seven days of these before you decide anything.
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Sleep, yours and theirs. An 8-week-old can sleep 16 to 18 hours a day, and a puppy short on sleep looks like a puppy out of control. Cap exercise at five minutes per month of age, twice a day, counting rough play. Then run the same wind-down nightly: toilet, a small amount of water, a few minutes of command work with no play, then crate with a blanket over it, lights off. You go to bed too, because sitting beside them while they protest keeps it going. More on the 7pm meltdown.
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Containment. A pen in the living room is really just an open crate, and the most underused item in a puppy home, because it keeps your puppy near you without being loose. The crate is for sleeping and the stretches you can't supervise, capped at about five hours a day. If an overtired puppy can't settle, the crate is rest, never a telling-off. Never open the door while they're crying: wait for 30 to 60 seconds of quiet, then let them out and ignore them. Crate training without the crying goes night by night.
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Toileting reset. Aim small, miss small. Mark one patch, carry them to it on waking, and say your toilet command every ten seconds while you wait. Nothing after a minute? Back inside, wait 90 to 120 seconds, try again. If the second go gives you nothing, accept the accident and move to the next rotation. And weeing indoors minutes after a walk isn't defiance. They're aiming at a literal, specific spot rather than the idea of outside, so use the same patch every time. Never rub their nose in it. Full schedule in how to toilet train a puppy.
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Biting, for when the toy has stopped working. At 20 weeks a toy on its own has often run out of power, and from 16 weeks on, teeth on skin or clothing gets an immediate timeout. No sound at all, and that includes a yelp or an "ow", because noise adds energy and tells your dog the teeth worked. Go still and silent, a calm freeze, then take them by the collar to a quiet, boring room. Not outside, not the crate. One to three minutes for a puppy. Walk out ahead of them on release and say nothing. Most dogs need three repetitions before it lands. In calm moments, match the material your dog wants and rotate six or seven textures.
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One rule set for the whole household. Pick the rules once, write them on the fridge, and have every adult follow the same ones. The leader starts the interaction, so your dog gets attention when you call them over rather than when they nudge you, and the couch is by invitation. Which rules you pick matters less than everybody picking the same ones. The most common thing I see is an owner running four methods at once because none worked in three days.
When to get professional help, and what a first session actually does
Get someone in the room when there's a safety question, or when you've run the same plan properly for four weeks and nothing has shifted. The signs: a bite to a person that broke skin, fear picking up new triggers weekly, a household that can't agree, or a feeling that you'd rather not be near your own dog. That last one is the most useful thing you can tell me.
A first in-home session is mostly watching. I come to your home, see the pattern in the room it happens in, and sort your list into weeks and months. Then you get a plan you can run on the days I'm not there, which is where nearly all the progress happens. Here's how the in-home training works.
If you're in Sydney, start with the free 15 minute meet and greet and say the thing you've been afraid to say out loud. Book the free meet and greet and we'll work out what your dog needs.
Want help putting this into practice?
The Toe Beans Co runs a free SKOOL community where Sydney dog owners get access to training guides, Q&As, and direct support from Luke. It's free to join.
Upcoming puppy schools in Sydney
Luke runs regular puppy schools across Sydney, with venues in Paddington, Edgecliff, Zetland, Alexandria, Marrickville and Neutral Bay. All six are taking bookings, and anyone in Sydney can attend any location.
Check upcoming dates and book your spot →
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to regret getting a puppy?
Yes, and it's far more common than anyone admits out loud. Most owners who say it to me are on broken sleep with four or five unsolved problems at once. The regret lifts as the stack comes down, which is why I'd rather you changed five things first.
How long do the hard weeks last?
For most puppies the worst of it sits between 12 and 20 weeks, and eases once sleep and toileting run to a routine. Mouthing should be gone by 16 weeks. Lead walking and a reliable recall take months, because a pattern that took time to form takes time to undo.
Will my puppy be traumatised if I rehome them?
A young puppy moved once, calmly, into a home that's been told the truth will usually settle. The lasting damage comes from a string of short-term homes, or a move inside the socialisation window with no attempt to keep the dog's routine going. If you do it, do it once, with full disclosure.
